May is Mental Health Awareness month in the U.S. and I thought maybe now would be a good time to talk about something very small I’ve done for myself in the last couple of years that has helped boost my mental state: walking away from books that aren’t bringing me joy (and not picking them back up later).
I know that sounds really simple. But I’ve talked to several friends who just can’t do it. Or who couldn’t do it, until recently.
For most of my life I was a person who would read a book until the end, even if I wasn’t enjoying it. I’d move on from a book if it had something particularly offensive in it, but if I ‘just wasn’t feeling it’, I’d push through in the hopes it would reveal itself to be a hidden gem. And I’ve read several books that didn’t click for me until well past the half-way mark, or even until the last 20 pages.
Sometime during the global pandemic, I gave myself permission to quit books as soon as I wasn’t feeling it anymore. For some books, that was page one. Or even half-way through page one. For others, it was 60% of the way through the book. In the old days, I’d have shuddered at the thought of reading 60% of a book and then discarding it. I fell into the sunk-cost fallacy when it came to reading. But no more. I did not finish (DNF) 9% of the books I started since the start of 2020. Maybe that doesn’t sound like much, but depending on how many books you read in a year, it can add up.
So what’s changed?
There have been a series of small changes that led me to DNFing books like it’s going out of style (okay, maybe not that frequently, but still). For one, I rarely have under 200 books on my to-be-read list, which means I have a ton of other things I could be reading if I weren’t reading something that’s not bringing me joy. For two, I recognize that just because I’m not enjoying something doesn’t mean it’s a bad book, or even that I won’t enjoy it later. Rather, I’m just not in the mood. For those books, I do typically flag them as ‘return-to-later’ so that I’ll remember why I put it down. And third, the world is ALOT right now, which has required a shift from ‘self-care would be nice’ to ‘self-care is mandatory’, which in turn means I’m craving books that make me happy. And if it’s not making me happy, I don’t need that in my life right now.
I’d like to talk more about that second reason though: not enjoying a book (or show, or music, or creative whatever) doesn’t make that thing ‘bad’. The flipside: enjoying something doesn’t make it good.
People love to share what they love (and hate). There was a time when I thought that if I was good friends with someone, or admired them, or valued their opinion, then I should be able to enjoy the media they recommend because what they recommend must be ‘good’. But that’s just not how taste works. It’s all subjective.
The more I read, the more I know that I have certain trends or tropes that I enjoy, and that there are others that are hard passes for me. Then there’s the stuff in between that can be hit-or-miss. I’ve also realized that there are certain authors who I respect and admire but whose writing I just don’t care for. And there are ‘classics’ or ‘bestsellers’ that are ‘must-reads’ that I just don’t have any desire to read. And that doesn’t mean I’m not well-read. It doesn’t mean that I don’t have ‘good taste’. Because it’s all subjective!
If you’re used to me writing about writing, or writing about books I love, you might be wondering why this post after a year and a half of nothing. Well, I’ve been busy. But I’ve also found myself going through waves of reading slumps since the beginning of 2020. I’m still reading a ton, but stuff doesn’t always hit right, so sometimes I don’t have books I’d recommend to folks.
If you’re curious what books I’ve put down that I think other folks would love, here are a few:
The Long Way to a Small, Angry Planet – Becky Chambers
I’m super specific (picky?) about my sci-fi, mostly because what I probably honestly enjoy is science fantasy. My brain just starts to wander off with most sci-fi. So putting down this book was 100% a me thing and not an it thing. People rave about this book. I actually recommend it to folks sometimes, even though I only got 69 pages into it. It’s apparently great for fans of Firefly (which I’m a fan of).
If you’ve read this and you’re looking for more Becky Chambers, I highly recommend The Psalm for the Wild-Built. It’s a novella with philosophy and a tea monk and a robot, and this light sci-fi person enjoyed it immensely.
The Storyteller (book three)- Traci Chee
I’m seriously bad for this one. I LOVED this series. I still recommend this series all the time. What happened here was me realizing where the final book was going and deciding I just couldn’t emotionally handle it at the time. I then skimmed the final pages to confirm it was going where I thought, and when I was right, I put it down. I put it down with my own ending in my head so that I could feel like I had closure that sat right.
I am not saying the end of this book felt wrong for the series. It just wasn’t what I needed or wanted in that moment.
Vengeful – V.E. Schwab
This is also a sequel. In fact, it’s book two in a duology. I very much enjoyed book one, Vicious, which is a Victoria Schwab superhero SFF book. It’s dark and brooding, as is much of her stuff, and I was excited for a new take on superheroes.
But Vengeful introduced a new character that I just did not care about at all. I can see how the character would be a huge bonus for most people. For me, they just didn’t land. So at 50%, I put it on the shelf next to book one and walked away. I’d recommend reading Vicious and then giving Vengeful a try. So many other people love this book. You might too.
Of Monsters and Mainframes – Barbara Truelove
The premise of this book was right up my alley: paranormal murders and a sentient spaceship trying to solve the crimes. I’m a huge Murderbot fan, and this was billed as perfect for Murderbot fans, so I snatched it up. But by half-way through the book I wasn’t getting what I wanted or expected out of the book. This is not the first book in the last couple of years that has been comped to Murderbot and I’ve walked away from. I think Murderbot reads differently to different people, so that comp alone is no longer enough for me to pick up a new book.
I know other people who read Of Monsters and loved it, and after comparing notes with them, I realized I wanted the book to be something different than what it was, which is on me, not the author. I read the back-copy and made several assumptions based on other books I’ve read. Others went into the book with different expectations and were able to get past the 56% mark.
If you like books where you’re not really sure what’s going on and you’re having to rely on unreliable narrators to do some sleuthing, PLUS you like werewolves and vampires and other weird stuff but IN SPACE, pick this up. It’s a wild ride.
What do you all think? Does DNFing books ease your mental load? Any books you’ve DNFed lately that you’d still recommend?
A. K. Hudson 